Blog of February,
It is February 2019. I started the Recovery Girls project at the end of 2014. In 2015 I was going to a junior college. I formed all of my class assignments and papers around this dream. I even got guidance from a wonderful lady at the Small Business Development Center, Laurie Jones. See, the thing is, when I started this project I thought it would take 2 years to open the doors to a sober living home for women. HA!!!! Five years later here I am still chasing the dream.
This is no easy task! Sometimes, I get down on myself and the lengthy process of this dream I am living. I guess you can say the addict still lives within and she brings me down. She gives me doubt, many nights awake in my bed reminding me of all the things I didn't complete that day, etc, etc. One thing is for certain, no matter how much the addict inside me try's to pull me back into the abyss I will never get down low enough to ever touch the vile addiction to meth I once had.
When I started this project, Elizbeth Carter was my cheerleader and best friend (still is my best friend). Now she manages our Facebook page and keeps up on all the hot good gossip related to recovery then fills me in. She is the resource hound. So while I take the heavy load of building the dream and doing paperwork she keeps the social aspect and resources alive. She is the facilitator for our group in Sterling. She is amazing. Just like any of us who chase a dream, we all have day jobs too. We kill it as a team.
After doing some hard thinking and convincing of myself I have decided I must go back to school. I hate school, but it will be most beneficial to the organization if I had a CAC II and a bachelors degree in psychology. So on top of being a single mother of two, needing to work full time to support my kids, building this dream that will benefit many women in the future, and making time for mommy; I have now decided to add more to the plate. I must live at a buffet or something because I just keep loading it on.
The hardest part of this all is the time I don't get to spend with my kids. I told my daughter the other day I was thinking about going back to school and she cried. If only I could go to school and not worry about rent then there would be more family time. Time I wouldn't miss on the little things in life that matter. She told me she would never get to see me. Which is partially true, but I will always make time for my kids. It will just have to be strictly allocated. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be the sober woman I am today. I owe it all to them. That is why I have to succeed. Not only for them but for the countless number of women out there who feel like they are alone, trapped in their cycle of addiction, wondering if there is anyone out there who will catch them before their addiction breaks them.
I'm one tough cookie because of what I lived through. By the grace of God he saved me, then he saved me again by blessing me with my first child, and she saved my life. Now I have the most amazing little boy in my life and he is my second Chance to remind me not to give up. There are hundreds of thousands of women out here all over the world who needs this dream.
This might sound crazy to you all but I am not doing this for me, I'm doing it for the women and children out there who need their mothers, to give them hope by helping them find their own strength.
Yes, this project has a lot more work to be done. I need to gain more knowledge to properly execute this fine-tuning of Recovery Girls. So back to the freaking books people!
You know they say, (whoever they are, haha) the very moment you feel like giving up is the exact moment when you need to keep living the dream. Then it becomes reality. I sure hope they are right because I can feel the grey hair coming in.
Until next time...